HUMOR~#5

A man suffering from a severe case of flatulence goes to the doctor.

Man: Doctor, I have a terrible (FARRRT!) problem. I just can't (FFFART!!)

stop farting.

Doctor: That is an unusual complaint. Take off your clothes and lay,

stomach down, on the couch.

The man does as he is told. The doctor examines him for a minute - the man

farting all the time this is going on.

Doctor: Aha! This should be easy to cure. Excuse me for a moment.

The doctor goes over to a closet and pulls out a long pole with a sharp

spike at one end.

Man: (FAART!) Oh my God! (fart..) What are you going to do with (FFFARTT!!)

that?!

Doctor: I need to open a window.



An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she

was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills." Taken

aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith,

but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control

pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought

some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to

sleep?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I

sleep better at night."




A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked

her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring,

etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my

patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking.

Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a

prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if

*that* doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."

A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the

best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of

lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation

went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of

$5000. The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter

demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two

things:



1 screw $ 1

Knowing how to put it in $4999

$5000 total



The businessman never argued.


Hope you all have a great day!
Kathleen