Thursday, July 3, 2008


OKay, only someone in the medial profession may find the humor in this! But I about choked on my coffee when I saw this! What can I say? I've got a warped sense of humor. *grin*

Before Death - Cancel your Credit Cards

My Aunt died this past January. Her credit card company billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now it was somewhere around $60.00 so I placed the following phone call:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

CC company: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

CC company: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

CC company: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

CC company: "excuse me?"

Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you, the part about her being dead?"

CC company: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"
(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

CC company: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

CC company: "... (stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )

CC company: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given ) (After they get the fax)

CC company: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."

Me: "Oh..."

CC company: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."

CC company: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"

CC company: "That might help."

Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery (address and plot number given. )

CC company: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!"

Diet Humor

I was in Walmart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked me if I had a dog... (DUHHHH)

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her NO and that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time.

BUT, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.)

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said, Oh NO!, I'd been sitting in the street licking my ass when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy in back of the line was going to have to be carried out.

Take Care,
The Doctor's Deception Available in
Print/Ebook form on 06/25/08
Print ISBN:1-60154-287-9

1 comment:

*lizzie starr said...

Thank you for the excellent laughter!